mentor

Last night, or more like this morning, I had a nice long talk with one of my friends. I haven't had a real heart to heart in a long time but I really felt like I had to get stuff off my chest and we shared and talked for so long that we didn't realize that it was 4 am already. that's the best feeling.

After talking with this sister, I realized a couple of things.

I have this issue with money and relationships. Ever since I was young, I always gave money to friends. I wouldn't think of it as paying people to be my friends, but I would buy cookies or chips for them at lunchtime. Now, I tend to just spoil people with gifts and meals. I've come to realize that this is because of insecurities in my friendships and relationships. I never thought it was wrong to want to spend the money I had on those I liked. Even my parents would criticize me but for much less things, like buying a $30 birthday present for someone. Once I came to college, I came to realize that people didn't need to spend money to really enjoy each other. As much as I realize that eating is a very common fellowship to do, especially for us BU girls, I realized that we don't have to be fancy and eat 5 star restaurants, though sometimes that's not bad. I need to become a better stewardess of money and learn to enjoy friends without having the need to spend money.

I also realized that I may need a spiritual mentor. Someone who could help me with my struggles and especially help me to grow as a Christian woman. I already have one person in my mind. In reality though, I don't know if I have time or if she will even say yes so I don't know if I should try or not. I'm very confused these days.

I need to learn how to pray more emotionally and passionately. After spring break, I realized, Korean Americans are too prideful. Humble us God. Rub some dirt on our face. Make us realize that we are not that cool.. we buy fake coach purses for goodness sake.