Refresh

Awww. Going back to boston this past week... is exactly what I needed. Seeing my family, sleeping in my bed, getting to just talk and be with all the wonderful friends in Boston. Man, I'm going to miss being home for the next two months but it will be exciting coming back and seeing the changes.

Sometimes, life needs a refresh button.

Fear

Lately, I have been swimming. 50% because it's exercise other than boring running, 35% because I can tan while doing it, 15% because I have nothing else to do with my time and it gets me away from my laptop/k dramas.

The pool at the apartment I'm residing at is a decent size. I have rarely seen anyone else in it and find myself always swimming alone, which is fine by me since I like my space and I don't have to look out for anyone when I do laps. Also, I wear goggles since I have contacts and want to be able to see underwater and not run into a wall.

Two days ago, while doing the front stroke, I was looking at the bottom of the pool (only goes to 5 ft) and saw a black dot. As I moved closer, I realized that there were multiple lines attached to the dot and then to confirm my suspicions, I realized it was... yes.

a spider


EEEK!


If you have ever asked me about my nightmares/fears, you would know that I am deathly afraid of spiders. I have only one outstanding recurring nightmare since I was a kid which is that I'm stuck in my house, barefeet, with millions... no bajillions of hairy freakin tarantulas covering the floor, ceilings, and walls and all crawling towards me. I run away and open the door to see a ginormous mother of a tarantula with it's 8 beady eyes all looking at me with hunger and fangs covered in drool. So basically I have to choose between the armies of tarantulas to step ontop..with no socks... or the one friggin umma one. UGH!! blerg!
If you are with me and see a small whatever spider, I most likely won't react like someone who is scared. But inside, know that I am terrified and crying like a little girl.

After I saw the spider in the pool, and confirmed (it was a daddy long leg btw), thoughts started rushing to my head like OmG! the spider has come to get me. I can't swim above it or else it will release itself from the floor and float to me and attach itself to me. From then on, for the additional 20 or so minutes I was in the pool, I never had my feet touch the floor in fear that the spider was following me from the bottom of the pool and would immediately bite me as soon as I let my meaty toes hit the floor. I also proceeded to never look at the spider again, except for from my peripheral vision.

When I was younger, I woke up one day and sat up, only to find a spider crawling across the pillow that my head had been lying on merely seconds before. I screamed like a pansy and ran for my parents' room and yelled to my dad; "DAD! SPIDER!! DAD!"

I tried to wikipedia it just now to write some more interesting facts about spiders but I lasted 4.5 seconds on the page because there were too many pictures.. soo friggin scary. How can anyone like these hairy gross crawling things that have poisonous species, 8 eyes, and types that can jump... ereggegreageageragra. gives me the heebies jeebies

Being an Adult

If you watch movies that portray the times from the 60s to 80s period like:



You'll notice a common trend. You're officially a man or an adult once you are 18. The kids in these movies are allowed to leave home and become their own person once they're 18. How come? I guess we matured and grew up quicker long time ago but now, it takes us longer? Aren't we still pretty immature at 18? I know I was. I turned 18 the summer after my senior year of high school. I still tied my shoelaces with two loops, I ate dunkaroos, I played crazy arcade and counterstrike, my mom still made all my food and I had no idea what I wanted to be.

In some cultures, adulthood reaches an earlier age. In some parts of Africa, you reach adulthood at age 13. 13!!!! WTH!! You're still losing baby teeth then, that's when we were in what... middle school? Crazy. Why does the world force us to grow up so quickly? When I was in my late teens, I couldn't wait to be an adult and do all the things I wanted.. but I realized at age 19, when I was no longer a teen but a young adult, how sad it is that I wouldn't be able to do everything since I was an adult, and not a kid. Meaning, I would now have responsibilities and now had a crapload of more rules I had to abide by.

Kids... we're just as scared as you are. Adults have so much more to learn and to be scared of.

I'm nearly 21 and guess what... I still play video games, my mom makes my food when I come home, I tie my shoelaces with one loop but sometimes I go to my old ways (it's just easier!), and I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what i am going to do after college.

Imagine it being as easy as a switch.
Click! we're adults now. We know everything.

I officialy am the owner of my own new car. Chyeah Baby. Honda Cr-V. Took 2 major accidents, 2 speeding tickets, and many scratches to my dad's tires to finally let my parents see what a good driver i am and finally get me my own spankin car.

the whole process of buying the car was somewhat intimidating. My dad basically handled everything with me sitting there listening and after each day at the dealership, he explained how you have to work from the minimum up instead of the msp down. Handling all the paperwork and working the prices and dealing with insurance, I had a headache. Wow! When will I have to do all of this? I hope they invent a youth formula so that my parents stay alive til I pass away so that they can always take care of all of this. I always act very independent around my parents, letting them know I'm my own woman and that I'm an adult, but I truly love and indulge in all the babying they do of me. As much as it is unneccesary for my mom to make fresh fruit juice everyday and for my dad to check plane tickets for me and do my tax reports, I will honestly miss it all when they eventually stop doing it. That's when I'll have to either learn it myself, or find a man who can do it all... hehe jkjk...

Peter! Take me to never ever land!!

Good Host

Finally I am in the west coast.
I realized the night before that I actually have to go back to Mass before my birthday to renew my license because I was dumb and didn't realize that my license expires on my 21st birthday. Frig... this summer is hella expensive. But let the festivities begin... july 8th.... PARTAY!!!

So. After a long tiring day, I realized what a pain it is to be a good host. Not only do you have to pick up the friend at the airport, paying for tolls and gas, you also have to drop everything in your life and entertain your guest too. I'm usually always the host to people since I'm always in Boston @ stuvi hosting friends or at my home as well. I'm so used to it because I usually enjoy hosting people because that's just how I roll. I'm more of a care-taker than a person who gets taken care of.. except by my parents and my future b friend :-)

but i realized what a burden it feels like to be the guest. For people to plan out everything to do for you and go wherever you wanna go and basically be chaueffeurs.. man. it sucks. And these people have to do it again and again as countless people come to visit LA and have all similar friends. Man. what a drag. Well, I guess this is part of friendship.

It was weird leaving Boston. So many people leaving... some things staying the same. Most of the seniors if not all are not really doing anything. None have jobs really and most are just bumming around. It's kind of sad. I would be scared out of my mind if I didn't have a plan. I always need a plan... God has big plans for me.. don't you?

amigos buenos

What does it mean to be a good friend?

Does a good friend cheer you up while you are down?
Is a good friend someone...
-who is dependable and someone who you can call when you're in trouble?
-who makes who laugh?
-who you can relate to?
-who goes the extra mile to do something nice for you?
-who is caring and thoughtful and remembers that you have an exam the next day?
-selfless and tells white lies only when needed?
-who will stay up with you talking until the sun comes out?
-who is there for you when you are throwing up dinner?
-who will order Chinese because you are craving it?
-who will let you eat the extra piece of cake although you only had a bite?

I can't say that I am a good friend or a bad friend. I am inconsiderate at times. I offer physical services and things but sometimes I feel that I lack the mental capacity and social abilities to really connect with people. There are people who you'd think would be a good friend but turns out not to be. I hope I can overcome that fake image and be a good friend externally and internally. I have learned to care about my friends a lot and it shows through the lengths I go to get them something to make them happy. Now I must learn to do this nautrally and be confident in maturing my relationships.

marathon

marathons.... marathons are an accomplishment to achieve. not only is the event a big thing, but the preparation to get there is intense. people train like 6-8 months in advance because it is such a big race. at the begining of their training, the runners run shorter distances but basically run everyday. as weeks and months go by, the person starts running a little more each day.. 6 miles...7 miles... 8 miles.... now they're in double digits for their daily exercise. Near the big event, the runner never actually runs the whole 26 miles but runs close to it and than saves their strength for the big day. Each day is a grueling day of exercising but the runner has to keep going to get to their prize.

core is like a marathon. there are the down times where really, all we have to do is the homework which is reading and problems due everyday. along with those are workshops which are mini presentations for the four different classes. some have more preparation than others and usually my team meets up everyday after class to work on these workshops. as the business plan comes closer, the workshops have extremely been getting harder to accomplish because they consist of more calculations, research, thinking and contacting outside people. the week before business plan is known as hell week. teams will literally spend 24/7 together cramped in study rooms doing calculations and writing the 100+ page business plan together with all the research organized by citations and appendices. people will hock up on sugar and energy and camp out at the meeting room and not shower. but.. oh no! when the business plan is to be due on that monday afternoon, we are not done. the following week... oh yes! all 4 finals!!! my question is.. when do we have a break? a break to study? a break to mentally break down??
and after the finals... what next? done right? thats what finals means right?? NOPE. then the following week, we have our final presentation of our project and business plan which is a 20 minute presentation of our company and product and all the work we did over the semester in one dinky little powerpoint presentation. then it is the end. the goal we have been striving for all semester.

in this way, core is like a marathon. with a couple of extra races added in

mentor

Last night, or more like this morning, I had a nice long talk with one of my friends. I haven't had a real heart to heart in a long time but I really felt like I had to get stuff off my chest and we shared and talked for so long that we didn't realize that it was 4 am already. that's the best feeling.

After talking with this sister, I realized a couple of things.

I have this issue with money and relationships. Ever since I was young, I always gave money to friends. I wouldn't think of it as paying people to be my friends, but I would buy cookies or chips for them at lunchtime. Now, I tend to just spoil people with gifts and meals. I've come to realize that this is because of insecurities in my friendships and relationships. I never thought it was wrong to want to spend the money I had on those I liked. Even my parents would criticize me but for much less things, like buying a $30 birthday present for someone. Once I came to college, I came to realize that people didn't need to spend money to really enjoy each other. As much as I realize that eating is a very common fellowship to do, especially for us BU girls, I realized that we don't have to be fancy and eat 5 star restaurants, though sometimes that's not bad. I need to become a better stewardess of money and learn to enjoy friends without having the need to spend money.

I also realized that I may need a spiritual mentor. Someone who could help me with my struggles and especially help me to grow as a Christian woman. I already have one person in my mind. In reality though, I don't know if I have time or if she will even say yes so I don't know if I should try or not. I'm very confused these days.

I need to learn how to pray more emotionally and passionately. After spring break, I realized, Korean Americans are too prideful. Humble us God. Rub some dirt on our face. Make us realize that we are not that cool.. we buy fake coach purses for goodness sake.